People say to me, quite frequently ‘You’ve got your hands full!’ and I think its such an odd phrase? Hand’s full. Don’t you? ‘Don’t do that you’ve already got your hands full’ or ‘Goodness you’re going to have your hands full!’ I understand their thought but their words are slightly off centre. I have no desire to fill my hands. Non whatsoever. In fact, I have a some what rather lengthy list of all the things I desire to do with them hanging from my kitchen door. I do however have a desire to fill my heart. A deep, burning, yearning desire to nurture. I strive for a full heart, so full it needs sharing. Full hands is a burden but a full heart, now that’s a blessing, and holy moly do I have a full heart! I do. I HAVE A FULL HEART! There’s chris to love, Bea and Noah, the two cats (one of whom is expecting kittens), the new puppy and then there’s the central hub beating around us – asking occasionally to be hoovered and every so often vacated for some peace – our house. So yes, my hands are full, but my heart, that’s overflowing. Pumping blood around beating to its own individual words. ‘I see you. I see you’. That view however, is not one that comes easily or for that matter naturally. Its a view that takes time and patience to change but above all things, bravery. To admit that change is needed is a courageous thing to do, but to admit you don’t know how to is even braver. ‘Be brave. Not perfect’ I regularly whisper under my breath. We forget on this fast paced planet that its our head that connects the hands, the heart that fuels the entire operation and we need to educate all three in order to be our fullest.
Suddenly the island, like a wise chameleon, has changed its shade. Everywhere is green and wild yellow daffodils sit proud like clustered crown jewels along the mountain sides. The evenings have grown light around me and the start of the summer sun has begun to share a little of her warmth. There is a most defiant change on the island as the days to the summer season begin to pick up speed. This week as we have walked our knowing steps around the town hundreds of caterpillars have hung by silky threads from the rocks and walls. Travelling gracefully and swinging quite unaware of the strong blowing breeze surrounding them. I sat on my door step one evening, knees drawn up to my balanced chin, watching as one of these fascinating creatures moved along my door frame. ‘I see you little creature. I see you’. I did wonder when the tourists started to arrive, if I would once again feel like I were one of them? Or would I, with my house sitting at the bottom of the hill, feel that I was here to stay. In fact its something I worried about! Don’t ask me why – because I don’t know – Chris says I’m ‘just that way inclined’. But I did! It wasn’t until I started to pass unknown faces as I uttered ‘Good morning’ to slightly startled expressions, that I realised I had in fact acclimatised to Harris and its way of life. Although, I still do and probably will carry on – much to the amusement of chris – claim the giddy heart of childhood when a ferry comes in. Some things, thankfully, never get old.Along with the grass, this month saw the arrival of our new family member. I’ll be honest I was secretly anxious about the arrival of a new puppy. People around me where either more excited than I was or more anxious and I was dubious as to which side I should of been sitting on. I did anticipate it all turning into some sort of unrecoverable chaos as our house reached payable zoo status. I regularly reminded myself that ‘others happiness is my happiness’ and I was going to make chris pretty darn happy by getting this dog. After introducing himself as a soul that sleeps a lot and is quite happy to carry on doing so I got used to another little being following me around all day. ‘I see you young one. I see you’ I whispered. We named him Shug.
Our whole lives have been dominated by change this year. Change in where are hearts go to sleep, change in our way of thinking and changes in how quickly our hands go about life. The last handful of weeks have been no exception. I could educate myself to use my head, hands and heart and by doing so give my children the tools to do the same. Or I could hide said head behind a large Hebridean rock and battle on. ‘Be brave. Not perfect’ and so I was. Steering and driving the family into the last leg of change – as my mother always said ‘You’ll always learn the hard way’ – I think you get more out of it that way don’t you? More fun! I’m passionate about sharing my life. I really am but its paired with the price of technology and that’s a tricky one to find a well resting place for. You absolutely need to tell the devices in your life that they are in fact guests in your house. Why? Because before too long they’ll out stay their welcome and take your place in it. I went pretty drastic and took our tv away. As well as making a box in which our phones sit for the majority of the day. I secondly took most of our mainstream toys away. Yes, I do know what your thinking, chris was largely thinking it too. Lastly I took our pram away….. what!? Yes I am the mother with two small children who took her pram away. Why? Because I needed to reconnect with my children, carry them, see them, hear them. ‘I see you’ Is the single most powerful thing we can ever say to another human being. Sheer 100% acknowledgment of the brilliant being in front of you and I’m 100% committed, deeply, in preserving it. I now get to crouch down and look at ferns and rocks through the magical eyes of my children and see the world from where they are standing. I strung the house with fairy lights and throughout it made small dens in which the children can sit and be….. well children! Where they can conjure up magical stories in their heads and make creations with their small able hands. A place in which they can be themselves with all their heart. But above all a place, a home, a sanctuary in which we as parents can deeply connect to our children with empty hands, peaceful heads and full hearts.
‘I see you. I see you’ drums the beat of my heart.
Want to be in with a chance of winning your own bit of Harris? Head over to Instagram to take part in the giveaway and win some Harris tweed goodies! You can find me over on Instagram @islandwife_hebrides, Facebook and YouTube @islandwifehebrides. Head over to LIKE, SUBSCRIBE and WATCH our daily life unfold as we navigate our journey in the Outer Hebrides! Lucy x